'There are two clocks in here and they are not in sync': Counsellors' and client's struggles with online pornography

At the start of the session, T stares intently at the clock on the wall before casting his gaze to the little alarm clock on the table between us. He looks at me and says, ‘there are two clocks in here and they are not in sync’. T was right about the stuttering clocks but there was something in the way he looked at me, something honest and sad, that made me think he was talking not about the clocks, but us.
Background: This piece offers a window into the dialogic and ethical nature of the counselling relationship in relation to online pornography. Tim has come for counselling due to his relationship breaking down over his usage of online pornography, but the counsellor’s own relationship is also troubled by the same phenomenon. The affect created by this dynamic is at times intense.
Discussion: This practice exploration surfaces the therapeutic and emotional conflicts that confront a feminist female counsellor who is seeing a male client who considers himself a pornography addict and highlights the therapist’s struggle to find her position between different feminist perspectives on pornography. It asks how a feminist perspective can be lived authentically within the counselling room.
Methodology: This autoethnographic work allows access through the personal and particular to the wider political and cultural life of online pornography. It asks that we stay with the uncertainty that is part of our work in the counselling room and therefore is equally as integral to our research methods.